Notes: Redefining Marriage

Submitted by Suchi Myjak on

Class date: 03 Mar 2019

Opening prayer: Come Holy Spirit

  1. How did we get here?
    • 1996: Defense of Marriage Act, signed by Pres. Clinton
    • 1996: Oregon – One Man + One Woman
    • 2000:
      “Marriage has historic, religious and moral content that goes back to the beginning of time, and I think a marriage is as a marriage has always been, between a man and a woman.”
    • 2007 / 2008: “civil unions”
    • 2016: Supreme Court hands down Obergefell v. Hodges
  2. Shocking statistics
    • 2007: opposed 54% to 37%
    • 2017: flipped 32% to 62%
    • 2/3 of Catholics and mainline Protestants support
    • “Public opinion does not change this fast in free societies.” ~ D. Caldwell
    • Opinion on gender issues is changing fast, too
  3. How does this affect us?
    • Cultural pressure
    • People penalized -- examples from last fall
    • Personal experiences of animosity
    • Remember when supporters said same-sex “marriages” wouldn't affect us?
    • Gender issues latest front-line
      • James Damore fired by Google
      • Twitter shadow-banning
      • Response to video exploring college students views on identity
  4. Very important
    • It’s vital that we be able to make the case for marriage
    • Stark choice of outcomes
      • Pro-life
      • OR
      • New Racists
    • So let’s get to it!

Credit where it's due. The following is based on two main sources: Ryan T. Anderson's book Truth Overruled: the Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom, and what I learned from Brandon Vogt's ClaritasU course on this topic.

  1. What is the marriage debate really all about?
    • “Equality?” “Bigotry?” “Love?”
    • What if I tell you it’s not about any of that?
    • It’s about one thing:
      • What is marriage?
      • Two models to choose from
  2. 1. Comprehensive (conjugal) view
    • Marriage is a community
      • kind revealed by actions, goods, commitments (norms)
      • Marriage is consummated in the conjugal act
      • Zoom in.
        • Actions - comprehensive, one-flesh union
        • Goods - procreation and education of children
        • Commitments ("norms") - permanence and exclusivity
    • Thus, marriage is a comprehensive union or community
      • that is good in itself
      • and that would naturally be fulfilled by children
    • This definition is based on human nature.
  3. Simple definition
    • “Marriage is the institution which unites a man and a woman to each other and to any children born from their union.”
    • Variations, slightly more detailed:
      • “Marriage is the institution that unites a man and a woman as husband and wife, to then be mother and father to any children that their union produces.”
      • “Marriage is the comprehensive union of a man and woman, inherently ordered toward the procreation of children and family life.”
  4. 2. “Consent based” (revisionist) view
    • current cultural view
    • is that marriage is:
      • an intense emotional, romantic, care-giving union
      • of consenting adults.
    • "Most important relationship" or establishes your “number one person”
      • Relationship in which you find greatest fulfillment.
      • But different in degree, not necessarily in kind
    • Has already done great damage
      • SSM is NOT cause but rather logical conclusion
  5. Recap of the main issue
    • “What is marriage?”
    • EITHER:
      • “Marriage is the institution that unites a man and a woman as husband and wife, to then be mother and father to any children that their union produces.” (Conjugal view)
      • OR
      • “Marriage is a couple-centered vehicle for personal growth and emotional intimacy.” (Revisionist view)
    • Revisionist view has many problems, but it currently very popular.
  6. Why does marriage matter? Why should the state care?
    • Why does the government regulate marriage?
    • Virtually every community has regulated male-female sexual relationships. Why?
    • Again, why does the government care?
      • “The government cares about marriage because it cares about children.”
    • Society does not create marriage, but should support it to encourage:
      • kids are raised by the parents who procreated them
      • parents stick together through the tough times
  7. What we agree on
    • Most people agree with the “marital norms” that we saw earlier:
      • Permanence, exclusivity (= monogamy + fidelity)
      • So you can say, “OK. You say marriage is one thing, and I think it’s another. But we both agree that marriage has these features – permanence, monogamy, and fidelity – right? So which of our views of marriage best explains these features?”
    • Then consider each of those and see which definition fits the best.
      • Permanence: but WHY?
      • Fidelity: but WHY?
      • Monogamy: but WHY?
      • Only the conjugal view accounts for these three features.
    • Summary score: Conjugal 3 : Revisionist 0
    • Revisionist model also cannot explain why the government has any interest in marriage.
      • A revisionist couple might still live it out these norms, of course
  8. Objection: Infertility
    • “If marriage is about children, then why do you allow infertile couples to marry?”
    • Some think this is the “silver bullet”
    • Four responses:
      • Policy
        • natural bonds: every child comes from a mother and a father
      • Practically
      • Philosophically
        • An infertile marriage is still fully a marriage
      • Pedagogically (educational value)
        • Marriage is a good in itself, not just an instrument
  9. Objection: Interracial Couple
    • “Isn't excluding same-sex couples from marriage just like excluding interracial couples?”
    • Short answer: NO
      • We are not excluding anyone
      • Interracial couples of a man and a woman can form marital couples
      • same sex-couples cannot
    • See this in history, too.
      • Bans on interracial marriage existed only in context of race-based slavery / Jim Crow
    • Marriage needs to be colorblind but it cannot be gender-blind.
  10. Tips for responding
    1. Always bring the discussion back to the main question: What is marriage?
    2. Don’t demean anyone, especially not those who experience same-sex attractions. (Yes, I know -- Duh!) Every one of us is a beloved child of God.
    3. Don’t use “I believe” language.
    4. Reiterate that marriage is about the needs of children, not the desires of adults.
    5. Emphasize that same-sex marriage does not “expand” marriage—it redefines it.

I didn't include the following in the post title because we ran out of time and only began to scratch the surface of it.

  1. The Gender Agenda
    • Suddenly gender issues are big
    • Why does it matter?
    • Areas where the transgender movement is pushing hard:
      1. Media and Entertainment
      2. Bathrooms and locker rooms
      3. School curricula
      4. Hospital services
      5. Pronoun regulations
  2. Five Key Terms
    1. Sex: your biological makeup as either male or female.
    2. Gender: traditionally = sex. Today, often disconnected from (biological) sex.
    3. Gender identity: individual’s perception of being M/F
    4. Gender dysphoria: distress from feeling there is a mismatch between one’s gender and sex
    5. Transgender: A gender identity that doesn't match your sex.

 

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